In September, we celebrated two years of marriage and took a short trip to New York to celebrate. Aaron has never been and I haven’t been in six years or so. We purchased the tickets back in April on a bit of a whim—but figured it’d be good for us to take a trip without Libby. We had three full days and they went by fast! There were quite a few friends that we wanted to see while we were out there and Sang happened to be out there the same time we were as well. Leaving Libby behind was a bit easier than I had anticipated and it probably helped that she didn’t cry when my aunts picked her up. The only regret I had about this trip was probably just finding more time for it to be just me and Aaron but that’s NYC—lots of time spent on subways and walkin’ around! :)

SUNDAY //

We landed around 5:30a and started the subway ride to Bushwick where we’d be staying for the first two nights. At about twenty minutes in or so, we were stuck for probably half an hour and I was about to pull out my hand-pump because I was so full from not having breastfed or pumped for over 12 hours, when it started to go again. We decided to get off on the first stop afterwards to grab some food and for me to get some relief ha.

We got to Joe and Saxon’s around 10a and after catching up with them and taking a short nap, we headed to Prospect Park area to see our friends Jenica and Riley, who are expecting their first baby this December! We had lunch at a neighborhood diner, and then grabbed some beer to sit at the park for a bit. It was really great to see them; I just wish we grabbed a photo with them! If the day wasn’t so drizzly, I would’ve wanted to walk around the park a bit more as I had never been before!

That night we went to Suzume for some ramen with Joe and Saxon and ohmygoshitwassogood! Aaron was pretty much having a foodgasm ha.

MONDAY //

We headed into Manhattan Monday morning for a small breakfast at the Egg Shop. It was a really cute space that was filled to the brim, but lucky for us there was an empty table when we arrived. It reminded me of Japan—the decor with the plants/etc. The only thing that was a bit of a bummer was that were was some construction going on right in front (explains the rocks in front of the restaurant front in the pic below). Aaron and I split a sandwich and some biscuits and it was all delicious. We honestly would’ve ordered more food but we wanted to save our stomaches since we had lunch plans immediately after with Sang and my cousin Mark. Right next door was Cafe Integral so we popped in for some Nicaraguan coffee. Also very good.

For lunch, we met up with Sang, Bryan, Mark and his girlfriend Yeri and went to Joe’s Shanghai in Chinatown. The soup dumpings were perfect.

The rest of the afternoon we spent roaming the area and miscellaneous shops… checked out Glossier which was a bit underwhelming… maybe the LA location is cooler? Thanks to the boys for indulging me. We strolled through Canal Street Market, had an afternoon dessert at Milk & Cream Cereal Bar and very briefly checked out the High Line Park. We were a bit pressed for time and I only wish we could’ve stayed there longer (shouldn’t have perused shops for as long as we did)! I’ve been before but Aaron hadn’t and I think he would’ve really enjoyed it.

Aaron and I headed back to Brooklyn for an afternoon siesta, but really it was a pumping break for me and a quick 20-30 minute nap for Aaron before we had to get back into the city. We had a reservation at Freeman’s which was a spot I had been to a couple years back. I remember the drinks being amazing and wanted to try their food as well. Truth be told, the food was mediocre but the drinks… man, both Aaron and I agreed we had the best cocktail we’ve ever had there. It was called the Phantoma which was fitting since we headed to see Phantom of the Opera that evening! This evening was probably the highlight of the trip for me as it was the only time we really had a chance to have a conversation about the past two years of marriage and what we want for this next year. It was good to have intentional conversation, amidst all the things we were doing and seeing.

had to take a photo of this drink… who can teach us how to remake this?!

Our waitress had recommended some late night spots for post-show and honestly Aaron and I weren’t even thinking of going out after the show…. but we both looked at each other and thought well we totally could stay out late! no baby! We decided to text Sang to see if he wanted to meet up with his afterwards and if he said yes, we would go. I don’t know why we didn’t want to go just us ha! It was after all our anniversary trip… but the evening ended up being so fun. My cousin Mark joined as well and it was just a chill evening at a Japanese jazz bar (which happened to be one of Mark’s ‘regular’ spots ha!) I don’t remember the last time I was out this late… 1am. Maybe 5 or 6 years ago? How am I already getting so old?! … #parenthood. The lychee sorbet was so so good—my mouth is watering right now thinking about it.

TUESDAY //

Our actual anniversary and our last full day! I had planned to take Aaron to Central Park this day but it was dumping rain so we had to nix idea… but we had bought tickets to the Color Factory which was a temporary exhibit that had been set up. I didn’t even know it was happening until we landed in NY and I saw something about it as I was scrolling through Instagram. I’m so happy we found out about it though—it was the perfect indoor rainy day activity. For $40, I’d say it was worth it as you got a handful of treats along the way and it was just a very creative exhibit. They also handed you a card that you could scan along the way to take photos of you and it’d email it to you right after! We got so many fun photos (as you can see below)!

We headed to Juliana’s Pizza for lunch based off of raving recommendations and lucky for us, we were seated immediately. The fact that it was pouring was probably the reason there wasn’t a huge line out the door. Anyway, the pizza was very good. I am starting to appreciate the crust a lot more, thanks to Aaron’s ways of describing pizza.

We had booked an AirBnb for our last night so we headed back to Joe/Saxon’s to pack up. Our new spot was in Clinton Hill—a really nice area of town, I guess. Our host messaged me to tell me that there was a crew that was just at her place packing up after filming an episode of the Real Housewives of New York, so things may be a bit out of place. We didn’t see anything but still cool. Once we settled in, our friend Karen met up with us and snapped a few anniversary photos of us before we headed out for some drinks & dinner. See more photos of the session here. Karen is I N C R E D I B L E.

All in all, such a great trip. It went by really fast and being away from Libby was a lot easier than we both expected. Of course we missed her, but because we kept busy and because she did so well, we would definitely take another trip away from her again. We Facetimed her for a few minutes that last night, knowing we would be seeing her the next morning but she wasn’t even phased. When we saw her the next day, she looked so nonchalant and showed no reaction!

Anyway, I am so grateful that we had the opportunity to get away for just a bit. I can’t believe it’s already been two years! A lot has certainly happened :)

D 11/30/18 D 11/30/18

Twenty-nine

How can I really describe this past year and encompass all the ups and downs in some words? It’s a little daunting but I know that I will appreciate this years down the road. A year ago, I was almost 34 weeks pregnant and here I am with a ten-month old sleeping on me as I find some time to reflect. Two days ago I managed to get her to nap on her own (hallelujah!!!) but today I want her to be close to me. My womb was her home and she still finds comfort on my body.

It is no longer just me. It is me and her. It will never be just me again (but really, it was never just me as there are always others to think about), but now I literally have no choice about the matter. If anything, I think this past year has been a tangible lesson in selflessness.

I don’t want motherhood—being a mom—to be my identity. It is not. But there’s no denying that it is now a part of me. I don’t want this reflection to just be about being a mom, because I’m not just a mom. I apologize to myself, to my fellow mom peers, to Libby and to my husband for having ever uttered the words, “Oh, I’m just a stay-at-home mom.” A past friend from college called me out on that when I unexpectedly ran into her at a wedding this past fall. It’s not just a just. It is so much more.

I read in some book awhile ago (maybe it was Jesus Feminist?) that motherhood is a ministry and I have had to remind myself of this over and over again. It is one of my highest callings, along with being a faithful wife and partner. These roles are not something to check off the life to-do list once you’ve received them. The work goes beyond saying “I do” and going through the pain of labor and delivery. When we found out we were pregnant, I told Aaron that I wasn’t even really scared of birth. What scared me even more was that I would have to raise a good and kind human. For at least 18 years. Doesn’t that labor seem more … well, laborious?

I’ve had to remind myself that being a mom is a ministry when I’ve been told in the past year that I should be ‘serving’. I should be using the gifts that God has given me to serve others. I should be in church. I should be tithing. I should be doing A, B, C… I’m not writing this to defend myself against these statements… because at the end of the day, my relationship with Jesus is that. Mine and His. But that’s how it is. That’s where I am. This is how I can use my gifts right now. This is what I’m called to right now.

And being selfless manifests itself in other ways as well. I can’t spend as much of myself on other relationships anymore. Anyone who knows me well enough will know that I’ve had friendships in multiple circles back in college and in years past. A friend guessed that I was an E in the Myers-Briggs test and was surprised to find out that it’s quite the opposite. I do know a lot of people and I do enjoy spending time with different types of people… but now more than ever, it’s about the quality of my friendships.

I know that entering parenthood put us in a different phase of life. Those not here yet may or may not assume we’re busy with baby/etc. But the thing is, parenthood can be lonely. Motherhood can be lonely. Especially when I can fit pretty easily into the husband-goes-to-work and I’m-at-home-with-baby scenario. Which, by the way, I’m totally cool with. (Seriously, I am so lucky that financially we can afford for me to be home with Libby.) So when I say I have had to learn to be selfless, I mean that I have had to not put as much stock in my friendships these days than I’ve done in the past. It’s not that I don’t want to, because truly I do, but that’s how life is right now.

I’ve also learned this past year how capable I am—how being selfless can make you capable of other things you didn’t know you were capable of. Like, how funny is it that I fight tooth-and-nail sometimes to put Libby to bed, but the moments before I put her down to leave for the night, I am already missing her?… how my body wants to put her down because my back aches but my heart wants to keep holding her forever? I am capable of that type of love? I am capable of that type of selflessness? Will I, do I? commit myself to this for the rest of my baby’s life?

I didn’t know I had this in me. And I know motherhood… parenthood… is just a small picture of how God loves us.

This reflection is not about being a mom… In some ways, I feel like I’m starting over as I enter this new year of life. I am deconstructing the things I’ve been taught in my faith and in my life… and what I want to keep and what I don’t. I’m back in square one in my relationship with God. I see it (that is, life) with fresh eyes… I see it from the eyes of being a parent, now—and how God views me as His child and in this way, I am still learning. And that… yep, that’s humbling.

*photos in this post by Alejandra Maria

D 11/29/18 D 11/29/18

D's Books in 2018

I rediscovered the joy of reading this past year due to pregnancy and a lot of downtime with sleeping baby on my chest. Most of these were just for enjoyment (i.e. fiction) but I read a few books that really challenged my views in regards to faith.

1 // Today Will Be Different by Maria Semple I picked this book up because I read one of her other books in the past and really enjoyed her writing style as well as the story. This one was okay; I didn’t enjoy the storyline as much.

2 // Single, Gay, Christian: A Personal Journey of Faith and Sexual Identity by Gregory Coles The issue of homosexuality didn’t really confront me until my cousin came out to me when I was in my teens. Before that, I always thought of it as a black and white issue growing up with a Baptist upbringing and didn’t think much further of it. Everything is challenged when you come across a close friend or relative who identifies as gay. I had a gay best friend in high school and one in college and two other relatives have come out. I would be lying if I myself didn’t struggle with how this intertwined with my faith. I haven’t read many books on the topic truth be told, I’ve just had conversations… but I think this author does a good job of addressing both sides. It may be a bit bias because of his personal journey but he definitely makes you think of both sides.

3 // Little Fires Everywhere by Celeste Ng

4 // Turtles All the Way Down by John Green

5-7 // Crazy Rich Asians by Kevin Kwan

China Rich Girlfriend by Kevin Kwan

Rich People Problems by Kevin Kwan

8 // Learning to Speak God From Scratch by Jonathan Merritt I really resonated with this book when it comes to where I’m at in my walk with God. We haven’t been to church in over a year and I often find myself cringing when people say certain ‘religious’ words. Am I backsliding? No, I wouldn’t say that I am… it’s more like a few steps backwards, a lot of steps further if you know what I mean. Anyway, Merritt goes on to talk about how Christians can and should go through three different phases when it comes to their faith… and how these ‘religious’ words can still be sacred.

9 // Like a Mother by Angela Garbes Written by a local writer, this book talks about pregnancy in a very candid and fun way and I would recommend it for EVERYONE. Pregnant or not, female or male, pro-life/pro-choice, whoever you are… this book educates you on what really happens in a woman’s body and what it’s capable of and what it loses and gains through the miraculous thing that is pregnancy. I think men should really read this.

10-15 // Harry Potter Books 1-6 by J.K. Rowling I’ve been rereading this series and watching the movies as I go along. I don’t think I’ll be able to finish #7 before the end of the year ha!

16 // Bringing Up Bébé by Pamela Druckerman