A Film Developing Workshop
April 12th, 2016
I want to write about this day and post photos from it so I don't forget. Already too much time has passed since then.
I've always had a little bit of curiosity when it comes to photography, but because of so many people around me that seem to be professional photographers, I never indulged in it to much. So it has taken me many years to realize that more of my curiosity has to do with the mechanics of photography, how it works, rather than the art of photo-taking, for instance. I have an old SLR film camera that I use every once in a while, and it's fascinating to me how it runs purely on mechanics...all gears and springs and levers, no batteries. (Well, except for a tiny one that runs the light meter, but that isn't necessary to take a photo.) I love learning about how light enters it and the mirrors inside push the image onto your eye, and then also onto film. I'm sure digital cameras are actually more complicated than film, but maybe they are so beyond me that they don't interest me. I like keeping it simple.
So when Dorothy told me about her friend Meghan's film workshop that she signed us up for, I was thrilled. Film development was a part of the whole process that I actually had no idea how it worked. I always brought my film to a lab and had them develop it for me, and always wondered what had to happen in the back room before I received my photos on a disc. I would get to do this myself? Rad.
We went to Meghan's studio and we (and the other peeps who signed up for her workshop) each had our roll of film that we had respectively shot in the weeks prior. These personal rolls of film would be our guinea pigs, our own entry gate into the world of darkrooms and chemicals, and making memories come alive again. I was excited and asked a lot of questions. Meghan was great, by the way. She knows her stuff, and was patient and even a bit happy that I was asking so many questions.
I'll try to keep this long story short. We were all in the last stage of developing and Meghan told us we could take a little peek at our photos if we wanted. I didn't. I was pretty smug, and wanted to be surprised and amazed at the final product of my roll. I remembered different moments that I had captured, and was really looking forward to see how so many of these shots turned out. I unrolled my roll of film......and it was completely blank. Not full of black frames, or white frames, or any kind of frame. It was just a black. strip. of. nothing.
I wanted to cry. I was mostly so sad about the things I thought I had captured being lost, and also a little embarrassed. I didn't know what to do or say for a moment. I opened up my camera and released the shutter with the back open to see if there was a mechanical failure. There wasn't. I just don't think I loaded the film completely right and it slipped out and nothing ever made it on. I felt like such a n00b.
Meghan saw so quickly and clearly how disappointed I was, and jumped in right away to do mend the situation. She told me to load the roll of film that was given to me at the beginning of the workshop, and she said I could shoot around her studio, and when I finished the roll, she would stay with us and go through the whole developing process again, just so I could walk away with some photos. It was such a sweet and selfless thing for her to do, and what was even sweeter was how she ended up taking some portraits of Dorothy and I on the fire escape outside her studio. And I do have to say....they are some pretty great photos. Meghan, THANK YOU. I won't forget this day, and I promise we will come back once wedding planning craziness gets done!
Here are some of my favorite shots. (And a couple from Dorothy's roll.)
-A
See Meghan's work here. You can sign up for her Intro to Shooting Film class here or her Intro to Developing Film here.
Practical Marriage Advice (from someone who is not married yet)
Aaron and I attended a marriage seminar a few weeks ago and left feeling pretty disappointed. We tried to have high hopes, but it was- well, to say the least- pretty unbiblical and I was confused. But it got me thinking. A lot of the push back was that it was practical advice and that it was aimed towards couples who had been married for decades. Okay, that's fine, but practicality should always be based on biblical truth. Am I totally off?
Again, these are thoughts are from a most likely naive, soon-to-be married woman. I have absolutely no experience being a wife, but I have a lot of experience being a sinner (ba dum tss!).
These are things I want and things I do not want out of my marriage. I sure as hell do not want to get to a point in marriage where we are looking for practical advice over biblical truth and counsel because therein lies the problem: we do not take the message of the gospel quite seriously enough. If we did, we would not be looking elsewhere for the solution to our problems. Practical advice will only fix a temporary problem; it will not fix my heart.
I was finishing up The Prodigal God by Tim Keller as I was realizing these things and there were some things that really spoke to me that helped me realize this even more:
... We must personally appropriate [ the gospel of the grace of God ], making it more and more central to everything we see, think, and feel. That is how we grow spiritually in wisdom, love, joy and peace."
... even after you are converted by the gospel your heart will go back to operating in other principles, unless you deliberately, repeatedly set it to gospel-mode."
-----> a note on this particular quote that Keller mentioned by Luther. This can be an analogy to romantic relationships: in the beginning, we are doing everything we can to impress the other person. The guy is pursuing the girl, perhaps taking her out on nice dates, asking her questions and caring about her day (vice versa with the girls asking the guys). The longer the two are together, the more used to each other they'll get and he will eventually go back to his old ways. He will no longer feel the need to impress her because he's got her. I remember in the beginning months of dating Aaron, I was more willing to listen and more willing to share, but now because we're engaged and simply put, used to each other, I find myself not working as hard to listen at times and also am more unwilling to share my thoughts immediately.
Human approval, professional success, power and influence, family and clan identity- all of these things serve as our hearts' functional trust rather than what Christ has done, and as a result we continue to be driven to a great degree of fear, anger, and a lack of self control... [ this is totally me! ]... we can only change permanently as we take the gospel more deeply into our understanding and into our hearts. We must feed on the gospel..."
Paul does not threaten or merely exhort, nor does he left up some shining example to emulate. Instead he vividly portrays the salvation of Jesus as sacrificial, spousal love..."
This last one summarizes it all: how I feel about practical advice in regards to marriage, but in all of life as well.
Faith in the gospel restructures our motivations, our self-understanding, our identity, and our view of the world. Behavioral compliance to rules without heart change will be superficial and fleeting."
*I write this to share my heart, but mostly to remind myself in times of my selfishness and weakness.
The Fruits of Faithfulness
There are benefits that come from loyalty, but I think in this day too many people miss them because they let their passions and desires rule their decision-making.
It always seems to make sense at first, to take the opportunities in front of us that just seem...so great. What if this opportunity never comes again? What are the chances that this is here now? I think people use those 2 questions as reason to %100 chase after this thing that is so appealing to them.
Yeah, I'm being vague right now. I'll use an example to help explain. How about my job?
I've got a decent job. I mean, I can easily survive off of what I make. I enjoy what I do. Ugh, but one of my coworkers is so annoying. And I have to sit in traffic to get there and to get back home. Yeah, things definitely could be better. Some would argue to get out there and find a better job. There is one, right? It's America, right? I have that right, right? To have my dream job, just the way I want it? So...what if a job opportunity came up that was closer to home and better pay? A no-brainer, right? This is what I'm trying to say: It may be great, it may be better in a lot of ways. But what I would miss if I took that job and kept following that pattern of decision-making, are all the fruits of faithfulness that would come from me sticking with the job I have.
Thinking about the reasons I would take that job, it's purely all about me. Gasp. So what? Of course it is, Aaron. You gotta take care of yourself! You do you. But is that really the best way to make choices? Really? We jump around anytime a better thing pops up in our life, to avoid discomfort, to avoid hardship, to avoid anything we hate....and then we end up throwing out the window all the things we would gain from pushing through what is difficult and uncomfortable. And you look at yourself....and it's just that. You are all over the place. You are always chasing something better, always unhappy with what you have, always looking somewhere other than where you are. No one wants that employee. No one wants that spouse.
Which brings me to my other point. Relationships. I may sound really really crazy talking about jobs, but I think these same principals apply to relationships, and I am going to guess that I sound less crazy here.
When I marry the girl that I marry, I am saying that I am committed to her. Her entirely. Through better, worse, rich, poor, sickness, health. There is a reason vows are made, because we are flighty people that want to leave when things get rough. And everyone knows the pain that comes when someone leaves a committed relationship. I may tell my woman in a sappy way that she is perfect, she is the best, she is superior to all other woman. But realistically, there will always be someone that is smarter than my wife, prettier, with better talents, better grammar, better smells, etc. You get it. But does that mean I should just take off when I get sick of how my wife spends money? I mean...there is probably a way more fiscally responsible woman out there. It's America, right? I should be able to have what I want, right? Sadly, some people really do operate that way in relationships, and that's why divorce and break-ups are so common.
I think putting this whole thing in the context of a relationship makes it a little easier to process. Commitment is vastly better than leaving. What comes from leaving? A broken heart, maybe two, and a coward that hasn't learned how to deal with a problem. (Yes, I understand there are good reasons to leave, I'm not talking about those situations) What comes from staying? Use your imagination. Put yourself in the shoes of the person with the "problem." What does it mean to you when your spouse says that they are sticking with you, regardless of this issue they see? That's everything. That's love. That's inspiration to change, actually. And that person that stays learns patience, self-control, and selflessness. Maybe that person learns over time helpful ways to deal with said problem. And every problem that is addressed and responded to with grace is more resilience and wisdom for the next issue that arises.
I have seen these very fruits from sticking with my very own job. One of the coolest things I have from staying at my job for over 3 years now is the relationship I have with my boss and his family. I could never have that if I was hopping jobs and getting a new and "better" one every year. And looking away from just what purely suits me, it's been awesome to be able to be a steady and committed employee for him, for his family. I can't imagine being a boss and having employees coming and going constantly.
Bringing this back, I would argue that this same principal can be applied in every single area of our life. And it is definitely not a trend that is catching on...it's fading slowly out of existence. Technology is being created and designed to free us of our problems. People are told to go after whatever makes them happy; happiness is king. I am asking you to look at areas of your life: your relationship, your job, your city, your friends, your church....instead of using what is wrong to be an excuse to go after something else, commit. Commit to what you have. Stick with it for some time and see what you learn. There will always be another thing that seems better, but that doesn't mean that you should chase it. It's like working out. You go to the gym expecting resistance...it's what makes you stronger. Literally. And it's only when you stick with it that your strength grows.
My final point is this: We have a God who does exactly this and is an example to us. We are the worst. And he is eternally faithful to us in spite of all our faults. If you read the stories of Israel through the Bible, it's jaw-dropping how often the Israelites turn away from God and live in disobedience, especially after having seen him show great signs of his love to them, in each generation. Part of what makes it so astonishing is how honest it is; it is a reflection of us all. And yet, God continues to be faithful despite the repetitive disobedience we show. Not only that, but God knew before we existed just how unfaithful we would be in our lifetime.
When I think about heaven, I sometimes have a hard time fathoming what it will be like to worship God for eternity. But then, when I think about that moment when I see all the sins I have committed in a lifetime stacked up (including all the ones I was oblivious to) against the faithfulness of God through it all, because of Jesus' death in our place, I can't imagine anything that makes more sense than singing God's praises for all of time.
Our Bonhoeffer Print
If you know me at all, I am a giver! I love gift-giving! Receiving is fun too, but nothing brings me as much joy as the look I get from my loved ones when I nail it when it comes to gift-giving... so you can imagine the agony (okay, I'm definitely exaggerating here but the word is close enough to my feelings) I go through every year when Christmas comes around. If I had it my way, I would get a meaningful gift for everyone I love... but such is life, this is not realistic. Aaron and I have much saving to do when it comes to our goals so we came up with an alternative idea: we would make gifts!
I read Life Together early on in my time at SPU and it really struck a chord with me. It's one of the few books I actually enjoyed reading in college so I kept it. Awhile ago, I took it out again to re-read it with Aaron because at that time, we were trying to figure out what community meant, especially in regards to living out our faith. This little book has so much wisdom-- anyway, we pulled out one of our favorite quotes from the book and decided to make an art print to give to our closest friends.
“Only where hands are not too good for deeds of love and mercy in everyday helpfulness can the mouth joyfully and convincingly proclaim the message of God’s love and mercy.”
Of course, when it came to actually implementing the idea as far as time and energy went, it took us awhile to get started. There were actually moments when I wanted to give up on the idea, because we had no time and because I'm a perfectionist, I didn't think we could pull it off. However, I could tell Aaron was very keen on the idea; I knew it made him giddy. One evening he pulled out a few branches and leaves he had noticed in his front "yard" and that was the jumpstart we needed to get the project rolling.
Aaron laid out his findings on his desk and sent me this picture:
From there, he did a sketch with pencil and outlined in pen:
I placed these pictures in Adobe Illustrator and made them vector images and started shifting some things around. Below is some work in progress:
After some drafts, here was our finished print!
We wrote a little note to give to our friends, printed these bad boys out, packaged them in nice cellophane bags (because that always makes things legit), and packaged them up with some good ol' kraft wrapping paper. To make things a little bit more fun, I made prints of Aaron's film photos he had taken over the last few years to add a little more personalization to the whole thing and calligraphed name tags.
We had a lot of fun doing this together and our friends were so surprised and thankful. I'm already curious as to what we'll be making next year for our friends!
If you'd like to get a copy of this print, head on over to our shop and purchase a downloadable print for $10.00. The proceeds from this project will go directly to Arise and Shine Uganda, a babies' home where I volunteered for a few months in 2013 and 2015. Contact us if you have any questions about this effort!