Libby's Birth Story
Libby is already two months old. I can hardly believe it. It’s true what they say, you know—it all goes by so fast. Too fast. I am making myself write this, as she naps in my Solly Baby wrap, because sometimes that’s the only way I can get anything done. But I tell myself it’s okay, because she’ll never be this young again and I have to hold on to this closeness with her for as long as I can. I hope and pray that we can be this close forever as she grows up. Birth is an incredible experience and I'm so thankful I was lucky enough to have gone through it the way that I was able to. Elisabeth, this is for you, my little love.
I think back on the day that you arrived with fondness. Yes, it was painful. Yes, there were moments I did think to myself, “I cannot do this.” But I had to, and more so, I wanted to. Your arrival was highly anticipated and when it came, it came swiftly and I couldn’t believe it was happening. Yes, you made us wait nine days after your guessed due date… (but can I just say that this term due date should really be changed to guess date?). Each day that passed after your guess date, I grew more and more anxious, but can you blame me? But if I could go back in time, I would tell myself that you would come when you wanted. So many friends told me so, our doula told me so, and I’m sure that even hearing it from myself, I would not be convinced… but it is true, you knew your birthdate and everything about it was perfect. You are perfect.
January 15th came and passed. I had made it forty weeks. In those days I felt really pregnant. You made pregnancy easy on me and I feel lucky to have been able to carry you for those forty weeks and mostly with ease. When we found out we were pregnant with you, I was in denial, and this was furthermore a fact because I didn’t really feel any symptoms in the first trimester besides sore breasts. I didn’t experience fatigue nor morning sickness nor cravings or aversions. Nothing of the sort. The morning sickness came in early second trimester… and still there were only a handful of times that I experienced it. As you grew inside me, I continued on at the same pace of life that I had been doing. There were times when your grandma yelled at me for running around, but I was being careful. I knew what I was capable of. I really did not feel pregnant until 36 or 37 weeks. I felt so big, but I was thankful you were healthy and growing.
On the morning of January 19th, I went to the bathroom and as I wiped, I noticed a pink tinge on the tissue. I was so excited—were things finally happening? I texted Alise, our doula, immediately and she too, was excited for us. She said that it could be the bloody show—a sign of pre-labor. I thought that you would come that weekend. But no, you kept us on our toes all the way through Sunday night as I continued experiencing bloody show. Your dad grew quite alarmed as I got a larger amount Sunday evening and he told me to call Alise, just to make sure. She didn’t seem as alarmed, and I wasn’t either… but she told us that if we wanted we could call the midwives in the morning to see what they would say.
Monday morning (1/21), I called the consulting nurses and told them what had been going on all weekend and they told me to go ahead and check-in to triage to see. I had left my ID with dad because we had gone to a friend’s birthday party the evening before and I didn’t want to bring a purse… so I called my friend Carolyn to see if she could take me. We got to the hospital and they did a non-stress test on you; everything seemed to be fine. There were some contractions during the time they monitored us, but I didn’t even feel anything! Pretty crazy. I was only 1cm dilated and truth be told, I was disappointed because I was 41 weeks at this point. Carolyn and I decided to go grab some lunch afterwards—some spicy Hawaiian-Korean tacos at Marination Station—to try and induce labor.
On Tuesday (1/22) I woke up and started on some exercises that Alise had sent over to me. I was getting desperate this day, asking on social media for massage therapists and acupuncturist recommendations. Carolyn texted me and asked if I was planning on going on a walk. We decided to head to Bellevue Mall and see if we could help get things going… I felt so large, walking around… we hadn’t been walking for too long and I kept thinking of saying to Carolyn that I was done. But around 1pm or so, I felt a contraction! And they continued as we left the mall and went to Dairy Queen for blizzards. You kicked around and moved a lot those days whenever I would have sugar—can’t blame you, girl. They were pretty sporadic—the contractions… anywhere from 20-40 seconds, five to 45 minutes apart. And at this point, they were manageable, feeling like period cramps, like I had read about. I got home and decided to take a shower, texting your dad around 3:30pm telling him what was going on. He texted back immediately and asked if I wanted him to come home, but I said no, he only had 30 minutes left in his work day so I told him not to rush. Throughout the evening, I kept feeling contractions, but they were so spread apart that I wasn’t sure what was going on. I had downloaded an app to time contractions and there were moments, when they were three minutes apart for a little bit (especially when I did hip circles on the exercise ball), but then nothing would happen for an hour. Around 10pm, nothing had really progressed so your dad and I decided to go to sleep. We knew you were coming soon, so your dad went ahead and told his boss that he wouldn’t be coming in the next day.
Around 1am or so on Wednesday the 24th (your birthday!), I started to feel more painful contractions. They were definitely more intense than the ones I had felt earlier that day… I had to get on all fours and breathe through them. If I thought these were painful, I had no idea how much more painful they’d get ha! I got out of bed and had some cereal, because I was really hungry at this point… I would eat in-between the contractions. I stayed out of bed until about 3:30am or so, doing hip circles on the exercise ball which helped the most. It seemed like when I was on the ball, the contractions were more consistent, but when I would move and do some other positions, they would go back to being random. Around 4 or 5am, I thought that I should probably try and get more sleep so it became the disrupted sleep as I continued to experience contractions. Your dad did wake up at one point to me on all fours and I told him what was going on… but the contractions were still spread apart enough that I wasn’t concerned so he went back to sleep as I also tried to get some rest.
We woke up around 7:30 or 8am and your dad started to make coffee and breakfast… at 9:30am, my water broke. Before, we had been curious as to what this really meant and felt like and I had done tests by putting in panty liners and lying down to see if they’d soak after a few minutes… but we knew this was real, because soon, my underwear was soaked. We called Alise, told her what was going on, and then called the nurses. They told us to go ahead and check-in to triage. Alise told us she was on her way to our place… as we waited for her, your dad spruced up the apartment, taking out the trash and what not. We both wanted a clean apartment for your homecoming! As he did that, I laid on the bed through contractions. Alise called a bit later and said she wouldn’t be able to be there for another 45 minutes or so because there was heavy traffic; she asked if we wanted her back-up doula to come to us because she lived closer, but we said no. We only wanted her ha, but we told her to meet us at the hospital instead of our apartment. As your dad was carrying out our hospital bag, he noticed that my car had a flat tire. Ha, of course! Your car seat was installed in there, but I didn’t want to wait for him to get the car fixed so we took your grandparents’ 4Runner—the car your dad had been borrowing from them instead. It wasn’t ideal as the suspension in this car is terrible and I was able to feel every bump along the way… but I figured dad could re-install the carseat at the hospital.
We checked-in that morning around 11am… and shortly after, Alise arrived! She got there much sooner than I expected. The nurse put two monitors on me—one for your heartbeat and then another for the contractions. As she did this, Jana (our midwife) came and checked in on us. She told us she wouldn’t be checking to see how dilated I was, which came as a relief to me, because I wanted as little checks as possible. She asked if we had a birth plan printed out, and we handed her one that I had found online. Dad and I basically wanted as natural of a birth as possible and it was comforting to see Jana was on board too.
After monitoring you for about twenty minutes or so, Jana came in and told us that everything looked great and gave us some options. At the time, all the rooms were full so she said we could go home and labor some more there or go out for some lunch and then come back. We decided to go out for some lunch so the three of us (Alise, your dad and me) left and drove to Chipotle. The contractions were still painful/uncomfortable and I’m guessing I was probably around 6cm or so then but who knows. We hadn’t been gone for too long when Jana called and said they had a room available and if we wanted to officially check-in. I really wanted to finish the laboring at home, but they said if we wanted to leave the hospital, we had to come back and officially get discharged. We got some food and went back to the hospital. Alise waited in the car while your dad and I went back up—they had to monitor you for another 20 minutes to be discharged. The nurse incorrectly put the monitors on this time around and they kept falling off. At this point, I could tell I was starting to get really annoyed and cranky because it was around 1:30pm or so and I hadn’t eaten lunch yet, I had little sleep and I was obviously uncomfortable because of the contractions. I had a lot of back labor pain and Alise wanted to try some different stretches/exercises at home to see if we could get you to move a bit. All I wanted was to go home and lay on my own bed.
We finally got home at 2:30pm and from that point on, things began to progress really quickly. The contractions were more frequent, but I was desperate for some food and sleep. Unfortunately I never got the sleep… but between each contraction, I’d grab a bite of my chicken/steak bowl and a sip of water or coconut water and then we’d go again. We started out on the birth ball and I probably did about 20 minutes there. I moaned low moans, and every now and then they would go high, and Alise would remind me again to keep them low… Alise had me switch to the couch where we did a lunge-like position where I stood sideways to the couch with a foot on the couch. We did both sides there and then finally, we went to the bed where we did the sideline release position on both sides. I remember between each position, as Alise would tell me what we were about to do next, that I did not want to move. I was “comfortable” in that position and it was painful to have to move to another one… but once I got in the groove of the next exercise she had in mind, things were fine. It was while we were on the exercise ball that I remember thinking to myself, “I can’t do this. I think I’m going to need an epidural” but I never voiced this. It was painful, so painful and as each contraction came, I tried to resist with my body but Alise kept telling me to take each contraction in as a wave, knowing it would come and pass… and that if I let my body go into the pain, that it would help. This was easier said than done, of course.
We were not home for long—at about 3:30 or so, I got to the point where I felt like I had to poop! Alise told me not to push, but to breathe through the contractions. At this point I felt more of an urgency in Alise’s voice as she told Aaron to get ready to go, so as he moved things to the car, Alise continued going through each contraction with me. I remember telling her that I really did have to poop and she said, “Okay, but as soon as you’re done we are out the door.” I pooped one tiny bit, Alise handed me some tissue, I wiped and pulled my leggings back up and we were out the door. In the car, Alise was with me in the back as I was on my knees facing backwards on the seat. Your dad asked her how illegally he was allowed to drive ha. The hospital wasn’t far from us—only about 10-15 minutes, depending on traffic. I kept my eyes closed pretty much the whole time, working through the contractions. I also remember thinking that your grandma wouldn’t be making it and we probably wouldn’t be able to get birth photos as we had wanted either, because it was all happening so fast. I didn’t think your dad would make those calls or texts in time.
Once we got to the hospital, your dad dropped us off as he went to park the car. It was about 4pm at this point. Inside the hospital, Alise asked me if I wanted a wheelchair as we spotted one right away… she tried to get the receptionists’ attention but they weren’t quick to respond so I motioned that I just wanted to keep moving… so on we did towards the elevator to the 5th floor at Swedish First Hill… stopping again at every contraction. We got to birthing floor, told them who we were—they were expecting us—and they directed us to the south side. I thought to myself, ‘more walking?’ As we were walking there, we passed a group of expectant couples who were touring the hospital (something your dad and I had also done) and for a moment a sense of embarrassment hit me but it passed quickly because these women would be going through the same thing soon and now they got to see some action during their tour (since I didn’t see any when we toured ha). We got to the desk at the other wing and they told us to wait a moment as they were prepping the room and I thought, “you’ve got to be kidding me!” But it wasn’t a long wait. Finally we got to our room and I went over to the bed where I did a forward leaning position on the bed as the contractions kept coming. I began to strip, leaving only my bralette on as they put the monitors on me. Your dad came in shortly after; I was surprised at how quick he had made it up.
Soon, Jana the midwife came in as I laid on the bed, where she checked how far along I was. I noticed she made a bit of a surprised face, pausing a second before telling me, “Well, it looks like you’re 10 centimeters dilated. You can start pushing now if you’d like.” I was amazed and elated, thinking maybe we would meet you crazy soon. I decided to do a few contractions in the jacuzzi, because my back was killing me and I knew being in the hot water would help. Slowly I walked over to the bathroom, where the lights had been turned off and Alise had surrounded the tub with LED candles; it was definitely a very zen-like room and I am so thankful she did that. I don’t remember how long exactly I was in there, but Jana had me work through a few contractions in there. It was all I could do to not resist the contractions—to not tense up. Alise told me to try and do three pushes with each contraction—holding my breath, pushing and then taking in air once again. The pain in my lower back was real. I have told people that it hurt more than the ‘ring of fire’. Your dad was amazing through all of this, encouraging me, and letting me squeeze his hand so hard. Alise would give me cold towels and give me sips of water as would your dad. After a bit, Jana came in with a flashlight and said once she could see the top of your head, we’d move to the bed.
Thank you Alise for these photos!
I got to the tub, walked back over as they asked me which position I’d like to be in. While prepping, they gave me an open line / hep lock and also cytotec/methergen/pitocin in case of postpartum bleeding. I had been on the edge of being anemic throughout the pregnancy and they wanted it there just in case anything happened. Not sure what they gave me to be honest, but at that point, I didn't really care anymore. I was too concentrated on the contractions. I do remember them apologizing for having to poke me a few times, but I was fine with it. Needles aren't a big deal to me.
Because I was still experiencing back labor, I decided on hands and knees position as I heard Jana asking for the delivery kit to be prepped. I knew you were coming soon. It was at this point where I really began to push with each contraction. Each time I pushed and each time I was told that your head could be seen was a huge encouragement and booster for me. Someone asked if I wanted to feel your head so I slipped my hand between my legs and felt the very tip top of you. You were coming so soon and I knew it. At 6:02pm, Yee made it to photograph your birth. After the fact, he told us that as he was putting together his camera, he recalls the midwife saying your head was about 20% of the way out and he looked up and I was gone. I was pushing and my head and body was crouched down beneath the top of the hospital bed so he didn’t see me. A few more pushes and you were outside of me, in my hands at 6:07pm.
It was such a surreal feeling as I looked down at you, your daddy at my side, his arms stained with my blood… you, him, me, us—you were finally here after all this time. Tears from your dad, me just really in shock, but so thankful that I was no longer pregnant and that you came so perfectly, naturally, nine days late, but just on time. 6 pounds, 13 and a half ounces and 19 inches of perfection. Your birthday was an incredible day. You made me a mom. Thank you.
