New York, New York!
a recap of our trip to new york to celebrate two years of marriage!
In September, we celebrated two years of marriage and took a short trip to New York to celebrate. Aaron has never been and I haven’t been in six years or so. We purchased the tickets back in April on a bit of a whim—but figured it’d be good for us to take a trip without Libby. We had three full days and they went by fast! There were quite a few friends that we wanted to see while we were out there and Sang happened to be out there the same time we were as well. Leaving Libby behind was a bit easier than I had anticipated and it probably helped that she didn’t cry when my aunts picked her up. The only regret I had about this trip was probably just finding more time for it to be just me and Aaron but that’s NYC—lots of time spent on subways and walkin’ around! :)
last photo with Libs before saying bye!
first meal in NYC!
SUNDAY //
We landed around 5:30a and started the subway ride to Bushwick where we’d be staying for the first two nights. At about twenty minutes in or so, we were stuck for probably half an hour and I was about to pull out my hand-pump because I was so full from not having breastfed or pumped for over 12 hours, when it started to go again. We decided to get off on the first stop afterwards to grab some food and for me to get some relief ha.
We got to Joe and Saxon’s around 10a and after catching up with them and taking a short nap, we headed to Prospect Park area to see our friends Jenica and Riley, who are expecting their first baby this December! We had lunch at a neighborhood diner, and then grabbed some beer to sit at the park for a bit. It was really great to see them; I just wish we grabbed a photo with them! If the day wasn’t so drizzly, I would’ve wanted to walk around the park a bit more as I had never been before!
That night we went to Suzume for some ramen with Joe and Saxon and ohmygoshitwassogood! Aaron was pretty much having a foodgasm ha.
MONDAY //
We headed into Manhattan Monday morning for a small breakfast at the Egg Shop. It was a really cute space that was filled to the brim, but lucky for us there was an empty table when we arrived. It reminded me of Japan—the decor with the plants/etc. The only thing that was a bit of a bummer was that were was some construction going on right in front (explains the rocks in front of the restaurant front in the pic below). Aaron and I split a sandwich and some biscuits and it was all delicious. We honestly would’ve ordered more food but we wanted to save our stomaches since we had lunch plans immediately after with Sang and my cousin Mark. Right next door was Cafe Integral so we popped in for some Nicaraguan coffee. Also very good.
For lunch, we met up with Sang, Bryan, Mark and his girlfriend Yeri and went to Joe’s Shanghai in Chinatown. The soup dumpings were perfect.
The rest of the afternoon we spent roaming the area and miscellaneous shops… checked out Glossier which was a bit underwhelming… maybe the LA location is cooler? Thanks to the boys for indulging me. We strolled through Canal Street Market, had an afternoon dessert at Milk & Cream Cereal Bar and very briefly checked out the High Line Park. We were a bit pressed for time and I only wish we could’ve stayed there longer (shouldn’t have perused shops for as long as we did)! I’ve been before but Aaron hadn’t and I think he would’ve really enjoyed it.
Aaron and I headed back to Brooklyn for an afternoon siesta, but really it was a pumping break for me and a quick 20-30 minute nap for Aaron before we had to get back into the city. We had a reservation at Freeman’s which was a spot I had been to a couple years back. I remember the drinks being amazing and wanted to try their food as well. Truth be told, the food was mediocre but the drinks… man, both Aaron and I agreed we had the best cocktail we’ve ever had there. It was called the Phantoma which was fitting since we headed to see Phantom of the Opera that evening! This evening was probably the highlight of the trip for me as it was the only time we really had a chance to have a conversation about the past two years of marriage and what we want for this next year. It was good to have intentional conversation, amidst all the things we were doing and seeing.
had to take a photo of this drink… who can teach us how to remake this?!
Our waitress had recommended some late night spots for post-show and honestly Aaron and I weren’t even thinking of going out after the show…. but we both looked at each other and thought well we totally could stay out late! no baby! We decided to text Sang to see if he wanted to meet up with his afterwards and if he said yes, we would go. I don’t know why we didn’t want to go just us ha! It was after all our anniversary trip… but the evening ended up being so fun. My cousin Mark joined as well and it was just a chill evening at a Japanese jazz bar (which happened to be one of Mark’s ‘regular’ spots ha!) I don’t remember the last time I was out this late… 1am. Maybe 5 or 6 years ago? How am I already getting so old?! … #parenthood. The lychee sorbet was so so good—my mouth is watering right now thinking about it.
TUESDAY //
Our actual anniversary and our last full day! I had planned to take Aaron to Central Park this day but it was dumping rain so we had to nix idea… but we had bought tickets to the Color Factory which was a temporary exhibit that had been set up. I didn’t even know it was happening until we landed in NY and I saw something about it as I was scrolling through Instagram. I’m so happy we found out about it though—it was the perfect indoor rainy day activity. For $40, I’d say it was worth it as you got a handful of treats along the way and it was just a very creative exhibit. They also handed you a card that you could scan along the way to take photos of you and it’d email it to you right after! We got so many fun photos (as you can see below)!
We headed to Juliana’s Pizza for lunch based off of raving recommendations and lucky for us, we were seated immediately. The fact that it was pouring was probably the reason there wasn’t a huge line out the door. Anyway, the pizza was very good. I am starting to appreciate the crust a lot more, thanks to Aaron’s ways of describing pizza.
We had booked an AirBnb for our last night so we headed back to Joe/Saxon’s to pack up. Our new spot was in Clinton Hill—a really nice area of town, I guess. Our host messaged me to tell me that there was a crew that was just at her place packing up after filming an episode of the Real Housewives of New York, so things may be a bit out of place. We didn’t see anything but still cool. Once we settled in, our friend Karen met up with us and snapped a few anniversary photos of us before we headed out for some drinks & dinner. See more photos of the session here. Karen is I N C R E D I B L E.
photo by Karen Obrist
All in all, such a great trip. It went by really fast and being away from Libby was a lot easier than we both expected. Of course we missed her, but because we kept busy and because she did so well, we would definitely take another trip away from her again. We Facetimed her for a few minutes that last night, knowing we would be seeing her the next morning but she wasn’t even phased. When we saw her the next day, she looked so nonchalant and showed no reaction!
Anyway, I am so grateful that we had the opportunity to get away for just a bit. I can’t believe it’s already been two years! A lot has certainly happened :)
Twenty-nine
How can I really describe this past year and encompass all the ups and downs in some words? It’s a little daunting but I know that I will appreciate this years down the road. A year ago, I was almost 34 weeks pregnant and here I am with a ten-month old sleeping on me as I find some time to reflect. Two days ago I managed to get her to nap on her own (hallelujah!!!) but today I want her to be close to me. My womb was her home and she still finds comfort on my body.
It is no longer just me. It is me and her. It will never be just me again (but really, it was never just me as there are always others to think about), but now I literally have no choice about the matter. If anything, I think this past year has been a tangible lesson in selflessness.
I don’t want motherhood—being a mom—to be my identity. It is not. But there’s no denying that it is now a part of me. I don’t want this reflection to just be about being a mom, because I’m not just a mom. I apologize to myself, to my fellow mom peers, to Libby and to my husband for having ever uttered the words, “Oh, I’m just a stay-at-home mom.” A past friend from college called me out on that when I unexpectedly ran into her at a wedding this past fall. It’s not just a just. It is so much more.
I read in some book awhile ago (maybe it was Jesus Feminist?) that motherhood is a ministry and I have had to remind myself of this over and over again. It is one of my highest callings, along with being a faithful wife and partner. These roles are not something to check off the life to-do list once you’ve received them. The work goes beyond saying “I do” and going through the pain of labor and delivery. When we found out we were pregnant, I told Aaron that I wasn’t even really scared of birth. What scared me even more was that I would have to raise a good and kind human. For at least 18 years. Doesn’t that labor seem more … well, laborious?
I’ve had to remind myself that being a mom is a ministry when I’ve been told in the past year that I should be ‘serving’. I should be using the gifts that God has given me to serve others. I should be in church. I should be tithing. I should be doing A, B, C… I’m not writing this to defend myself against these statements… because at the end of the day, my relationship with Jesus is that. Mine and His. But that’s how it is. That’s where I am. This is how I can use my gifts right now. This is what I’m called to right now.
And being selfless manifests itself in other ways as well. I can’t spend as much of myself on other relationships anymore. Anyone who knows me well enough will know that I’ve had friendships in multiple circles back in college and in years past. A friend guessed that I was an E in the Myers-Briggs test and was surprised to find out that it’s quite the opposite. I do know a lot of people and I do enjoy spending time with different types of people… but now more than ever, it’s about the quality of my friendships.
I know that entering parenthood put us in a different phase of life. Those not here yet may or may not assume we’re busy with baby/etc. But the thing is, parenthood can be lonely. Motherhood can be lonely. Especially when I can fit pretty easily into the husband-goes-to-work and I’m-at-home-with-baby scenario. Which, by the way, I’m totally cool with. (Seriously, I am so lucky that financially we can afford for me to be home with Libby.) So when I say I have had to learn to be selfless, I mean that I have had to not put as much stock in my friendships these days than I’ve done in the past. It’s not that I don’t want to, because truly I do, but that’s how life is right now.
I’ve also learned this past year how capable I am—how being selfless can make you capable of other things you didn’t know you were capable of. Like, how funny is it that I fight tooth-and-nail sometimes to put Libby to bed, but the moments before I put her down to leave for the night, I am already missing her?… how my body wants to put her down because my back aches but my heart wants to keep holding her forever? I am capable of that type of love? I am capable of that type of selflessness? Will I, do I? commit myself to this for the rest of my baby’s life?
I didn’t know I had this in me. And I know motherhood… parenthood… is just a small picture of how God loves us.
This reflection is not about being a mom… In some ways, I feel like I’m starting over as I enter this new year of life. I am deconstructing the things I’ve been taught in my faith and in my life… and what I want to keep and what I don’t. I’m back in square one in my relationship with God. I see it (that is, life) with fresh eyes… I see it from the eyes of being a parent, now—and how God views me as His child and in this way, I am still learning. And that… yep, that’s humbling.
*photos in this post by Alejandra Maria
D's Books in 2018
I rediscovered the joy of reading this past year due to pregnancy and a lot of downtime with sleeping baby on my chest. Most of these were just for enjoyment (i.e. fiction) but I read a few books that really challenged my views in regards to faith.
1 // Today Will Be Different by Maria Semple I picked this book up because I read one of her other books in the past and really enjoyed her writing style as well as the story. This one was okay; I didn’t enjoy the storyline as much.
2 // Single, Gay, Christian: A Personal Journey of Faith and Sexual Identity by Gregory Coles The issue of homosexuality didn’t really confront me until my cousin came out to me when I was in my teens. Before that, I always thought of it as a black and white issue growing up with a Baptist upbringing and didn’t think much further of it. Everything is challenged when you come across a close friend or relative who identifies as gay. I had a gay best friend in high school and one in college and two other relatives have come out. I would be lying if I myself didn’t struggle with how this intertwined with my faith. I haven’t read many books on the topic truth be told, I’ve just had conversations… but I think this author does a good job of addressing both sides. It may be a bit bias because of his personal journey but he definitely makes you think of both sides.
3 // Little Fires Everywhere by Celeste Ng
4 // Turtles All the Way Down by John Green
5-7 // Crazy Rich Asians by Kevin Kwan
China Rich Girlfriend by Kevin Kwan
Rich People Problems by Kevin Kwan
8 // Learning to Speak God From Scratch by Jonathan Merritt I really resonated with this book when it comes to where I’m at in my walk with God. We haven’t been to church in over a year and I often find myself cringing when people say certain ‘religious’ words. Am I backsliding? No, I wouldn’t say that I am… it’s more like a few steps backwards, a lot of steps further if you know what I mean. Anyway, Merritt goes on to talk about how Christians can and should go through three different phases when it comes to their faith… and how these ‘religious’ words can still be sacred.
9 // Like a Mother by Angela Garbes Written by a local writer, this book talks about pregnancy in a very candid and fun way and I would recommend it for EVERYONE. Pregnant or not, female or male, pro-life/pro-choice, whoever you are… this book educates you on what really happens in a woman’s body and what it’s capable of and what it loses and gains through the miraculous thing that is pregnancy. I think men should really read this.
10-15 // Harry Potter Books 1-6 by J.K. Rowling I’ve been rereading this series and watching the movies as I go along. I don’t think I’ll be able to finish #7 before the end of the year ha!
16 // Bringing Up Bébé by Pamela Druckerman
Libby's Birth Story
Libby is already two months old. I can hardly believe it. It’s true what they say, you know—it all goes by so fast. Too fast. I am making myself write this, as she naps in my Solly Baby wrap, because sometimes that’s the only way I can get anything done. But I tell myself it’s okay, because she’ll never be this young again and I have to hold on to this closeness with her for as long as I can. I hope and pray that we can be this close forever as she grows up. Birth is an incredible experience and I'm so thankful I was lucky enough to have gone through it the way that I was able to. Elisabeth, this is for you, my little love.
I think back on the day that you arrived with fondness. Yes, it was painful. Yes, there were moments I did think to myself, “I cannot do this.” But I had to, and more so, I wanted to. Your arrival was highly anticipated and when it came, it came swiftly and I couldn’t believe it was happening. Yes, you made us wait nine days after your guessed due date… (but can I just say that this term due date should really be changed to guess date?). Each day that passed after your guess date, I grew more and more anxious, but can you blame me? But if I could go back in time, I would tell myself that you would come when you wanted. So many friends told me so, our doula told me so, and I’m sure that even hearing it from myself, I would not be convinced… but it is true, you knew your birthdate and everything about it was perfect. You are perfect.
January 15th came and passed. I had made it forty weeks. In those days I felt really pregnant. You made pregnancy easy on me and I feel lucky to have been able to carry you for those forty weeks and mostly with ease. When we found out we were pregnant with you, I was in denial, and this was furthermore a fact because I didn’t really feel any symptoms in the first trimester besides sore breasts. I didn’t experience fatigue nor morning sickness nor cravings or aversions. Nothing of the sort. The morning sickness came in early second trimester… and still there were only a handful of times that I experienced it. As you grew inside me, I continued on at the same pace of life that I had been doing. There were times when your grandma yelled at me for running around, but I was being careful. I knew what I was capable of. I really did not feel pregnant until 36 or 37 weeks. I felt so big, but I was thankful you were healthy and growing.
On the morning of January 19th, I went to the bathroom and as I wiped, I noticed a pink tinge on the tissue. I was so excited—were things finally happening? I texted Alise, our doula, immediately and she too, was excited for us. She said that it could be the bloody show—a sign of pre-labor. I thought that you would come that weekend. But no, you kept us on our toes all the way through Sunday night as I continued experiencing bloody show. Your dad grew quite alarmed as I got a larger amount Sunday evening and he told me to call Alise, just to make sure. She didn’t seem as alarmed, and I wasn’t either… but she told us that if we wanted we could call the midwives in the morning to see what they would say.
Monday morning (1/21), I called the consulting nurses and told them what had been going on all weekend and they told me to go ahead and check-in to triage to see. I had left my ID with dad because we had gone to a friend’s birthday party the evening before and I didn’t want to bring a purse… so I called my friend Carolyn to see if she could take me. We got to the hospital and they did a non-stress test on you; everything seemed to be fine. There were some contractions during the time they monitored us, but I didn’t even feel anything! Pretty crazy. I was only 1cm dilated and truth be told, I was disappointed because I was 41 weeks at this point. Carolyn and I decided to go grab some lunch afterwards—some spicy Hawaiian-Korean tacos at Marination Station—to try and induce labor.
On Tuesday (1/22) I woke up and started on some exercises that Alise had sent over to me. I was getting desperate this day, asking on social media for massage therapists and acupuncturist recommendations. Carolyn texted me and asked if I was planning on going on a walk. We decided to head to Bellevue Mall and see if we could help get things going… I felt so large, walking around… we hadn’t been walking for too long and I kept thinking of saying to Carolyn that I was done. But around 1pm or so, I felt a contraction! And they continued as we left the mall and went to Dairy Queen for blizzards. You kicked around and moved a lot those days whenever I would have sugar—can’t blame you, girl. They were pretty sporadic—the contractions… anywhere from 20-40 seconds, five to 45 minutes apart. And at this point, they were manageable, feeling like period cramps, like I had read about. I got home and decided to take a shower, texting your dad around 3:30pm telling him what was going on. He texted back immediately and asked if I wanted him to come home, but I said no, he only had 30 minutes left in his work day so I told him not to rush. Throughout the evening, I kept feeling contractions, but they were so spread apart that I wasn’t sure what was going on. I had downloaded an app to time contractions and there were moments, when they were three minutes apart for a little bit (especially when I did hip circles on the exercise ball), but then nothing would happen for an hour. Around 10pm, nothing had really progressed so your dad and I decided to go to sleep. We knew you were coming soon, so your dad went ahead and told his boss that he wouldn’t be coming in the next day.
Around 1am or so on Wednesday the 24th (your birthday!), I started to feel more painful contractions. They were definitely more intense than the ones I had felt earlier that day… I had to get on all fours and breathe through them. If I thought these were painful, I had no idea how much more painful they’d get ha! I got out of bed and had some cereal, because I was really hungry at this point… I would eat in-between the contractions. I stayed out of bed until about 3:30am or so, doing hip circles on the exercise ball which helped the most. It seemed like when I was on the ball, the contractions were more consistent, but when I would move and do some other positions, they would go back to being random. Around 4 or 5am, I thought that I should probably try and get more sleep so it became the disrupted sleep as I continued to experience contractions. Your dad did wake up at one point to me on all fours and I told him what was going on… but the contractions were still spread apart enough that I wasn’t concerned so he went back to sleep as I also tried to get some rest.
We woke up around 7:30 or 8am and your dad started to make coffee and breakfast… at 9:30am, my water broke. Before, we had been curious as to what this really meant and felt like and I had done tests by putting in panty liners and lying down to see if they’d soak after a few minutes… but we knew this was real, because soon, my underwear was soaked. We called Alise, told her what was going on, and then called the nurses. They told us to go ahead and check-in to triage. Alise told us she was on her way to our place… as we waited for her, your dad spruced up the apartment, taking out the trash and what not. We both wanted a clean apartment for your homecoming! As he did that, I laid on the bed through contractions. Alise called a bit later and said she wouldn’t be able to be there for another 45 minutes or so because there was heavy traffic; she asked if we wanted her back-up doula to come to us because she lived closer, but we said no. We only wanted her ha, but we told her to meet us at the hospital instead of our apartment. As your dad was carrying out our hospital bag, he noticed that my car had a flat tire. Ha, of course! Your car seat was installed in there, but I didn’t want to wait for him to get the car fixed so we took your grandparents’ 4Runner—the car your dad had been borrowing from them instead. It wasn’t ideal as the suspension in this car is terrible and I was able to feel every bump along the way… but I figured dad could re-install the carseat at the hospital.
We checked-in that morning around 11am… and shortly after, Alise arrived! She got there much sooner than I expected. The nurse put two monitors on me—one for your heartbeat and then another for the contractions. As she did this, Jana (our midwife) came and checked in on us. She told us she wouldn’t be checking to see how dilated I was, which came as a relief to me, because I wanted as little checks as possible. She asked if we had a birth plan printed out, and we handed her one that I had found online. Dad and I basically wanted as natural of a birth as possible and it was comforting to see Jana was on board too.
After monitoring you for about twenty minutes or so, Jana came in and told us that everything looked great and gave us some options. At the time, all the rooms were full so she said we could go home and labor some more there or go out for some lunch and then come back. We decided to go out for some lunch so the three of us (Alise, your dad and me) left and drove to Chipotle. The contractions were still painful/uncomfortable and I’m guessing I was probably around 6cm or so then but who knows. We hadn’t been gone for too long when Jana called and said they had a room available and if we wanted to officially check-in. I really wanted to finish the laboring at home, but they said if we wanted to leave the hospital, we had to come back and officially get discharged. We got some food and went back to the hospital. Alise waited in the car while your dad and I went back up—they had to monitor you for another 20 minutes to be discharged. The nurse incorrectly put the monitors on this time around and they kept falling off. At this point, I could tell I was starting to get really annoyed and cranky because it was around 1:30pm or so and I hadn’t eaten lunch yet, I had little sleep and I was obviously uncomfortable because of the contractions. I had a lot of back labor pain and Alise wanted to try some different stretches/exercises at home to see if we could get you to move a bit. All I wanted was to go home and lay on my own bed.
We finally got home at 2:30pm and from that point on, things began to progress really quickly. The contractions were more frequent, but I was desperate for some food and sleep. Unfortunately I never got the sleep… but between each contraction, I’d grab a bite of my chicken/steak bowl and a sip of water or coconut water and then we’d go again. We started out on the birth ball and I probably did about 20 minutes there. I moaned low moans, and every now and then they would go high, and Alise would remind me again to keep them low… Alise had me switch to the couch where we did a lunge-like position where I stood sideways to the couch with a foot on the couch. We did both sides there and then finally, we went to the bed where we did the sideline release position on both sides. I remember between each position, as Alise would tell me what we were about to do next, that I did not want to move. I was “comfortable” in that position and it was painful to have to move to another one… but once I got in the groove of the next exercise she had in mind, things were fine. It was while we were on the exercise ball that I remember thinking to myself, “I can’t do this. I think I’m going to need an epidural” but I never voiced this. It was painful, so painful and as each contraction came, I tried to resist with my body but Alise kept telling me to take each contraction in as a wave, knowing it would come and pass… and that if I let my body go into the pain, that it would help. This was easier said than done, of course.
We were not home for long—at about 3:30 or so, I got to the point where I felt like I had to poop! Alise told me not to push, but to breathe through the contractions. At this point I felt more of an urgency in Alise’s voice as she told Aaron to get ready to go, so as he moved things to the car, Alise continued going through each contraction with me. I remember telling her that I really did have to poop and she said, “Okay, but as soon as you’re done we are out the door.” I pooped one tiny bit, Alise handed me some tissue, I wiped and pulled my leggings back up and we were out the door. In the car, Alise was with me in the back as I was on my knees facing backwards on the seat. Your dad asked her how illegally he was allowed to drive ha. The hospital wasn’t far from us—only about 10-15 minutes, depending on traffic. I kept my eyes closed pretty much the whole time, working through the contractions. I also remember thinking that your grandma wouldn’t be making it and we probably wouldn’t be able to get birth photos as we had wanted either, because it was all happening so fast. I didn’t think your dad would make those calls or texts in time.
Once we got to the hospital, your dad dropped us off as he went to park the car. It was about 4pm at this point. Inside the hospital, Alise asked me if I wanted a wheelchair as we spotted one right away… she tried to get the receptionists’ attention but they weren’t quick to respond so I motioned that I just wanted to keep moving… so on we did towards the elevator to the 5th floor at Swedish First Hill… stopping again at every contraction. We got to birthing floor, told them who we were—they were expecting us—and they directed us to the south side. I thought to myself, ‘more walking?’ As we were walking there, we passed a group of expectant couples who were touring the hospital (something your dad and I had also done) and for a moment a sense of embarrassment hit me but it passed quickly because these women would be going through the same thing soon and now they got to see some action during their tour (since I didn’t see any when we toured ha). We got to the desk at the other wing and they told us to wait a moment as they were prepping the room and I thought, “you’ve got to be kidding me!” But it wasn’t a long wait. Finally we got to our room and I went over to the bed where I did a forward leaning position on the bed as the contractions kept coming. I began to strip, leaving only my bralette on as they put the monitors on me. Your dad came in shortly after; I was surprised at how quick he had made it up.
Soon, Jana the midwife came in as I laid on the bed, where she checked how far along I was. I noticed she made a bit of a surprised face, pausing a second before telling me, “Well, it looks like you’re 10 centimeters dilated. You can start pushing now if you’d like.” I was amazed and elated, thinking maybe we would meet you crazy soon. I decided to do a few contractions in the jacuzzi, because my back was killing me and I knew being in the hot water would help. Slowly I walked over to the bathroom, where the lights had been turned off and Alise had surrounded the tub with LED candles; it was definitely a very zen-like room and I am so thankful she did that. I don’t remember how long exactly I was in there, but Jana had me work through a few contractions in there. It was all I could do to not resist the contractions—to not tense up. Alise told me to try and do three pushes with each contraction—holding my breath, pushing and then taking in air once again. The pain in my lower back was real. I have told people that it hurt more than the ‘ring of fire’. Your dad was amazing through all of this, encouraging me, and letting me squeeze his hand so hard. Alise would give me cold towels and give me sips of water as would your dad. After a bit, Jana came in with a flashlight and said once she could see the top of your head, we’d move to the bed.
Thank you Alise for these photos!
I got to the tub, walked back over as they asked me which position I’d like to be in. While prepping, they gave me an open line / hep lock and also cytotec/methergen/pitocin in case of postpartum bleeding. I had been on the edge of being anemic throughout the pregnancy and they wanted it there just in case anything happened. Not sure what they gave me to be honest, but at that point, I didn't really care anymore. I was too concentrated on the contractions. I do remember them apologizing for having to poke me a few times, but I was fine with it. Needles aren't a big deal to me.
Because I was still experiencing back labor, I decided on hands and knees position as I heard Jana asking for the delivery kit to be prepped. I knew you were coming soon. It was at this point where I really began to push with each contraction. Each time I pushed and each time I was told that your head could be seen was a huge encouragement and booster for me. Someone asked if I wanted to feel your head so I slipped my hand between my legs and felt the very tip top of you. You were coming so soon and I knew it. At 6:02pm, Yee made it to photograph your birth. After the fact, he told us that as he was putting together his camera, he recalls the midwife saying your head was about 20% of the way out and he looked up and I was gone. I was pushing and my head and body was crouched down beneath the top of the hospital bed so he didn’t see me. A few more pushes and you were outside of me, in my hands at 6:07pm.
It was such a surreal feeling as I looked down at you, your daddy at my side, his arms stained with my blood… you, him, me, us—you were finally here after all this time. Tears from your dad, me just really in shock, but so thankful that I was no longer pregnant and that you came so perfectly, naturally, nine days late, but just on time. 6 pounds, 13 and a half ounces and 19 inches of perfection. Your birthday was an incredible day. You made me a mom. Thank you.
