Our Wedding: The Proposal and the Rings
THE PROPOSAL
A year ago today, Aaron proposed to me. Now if you ask me if I knew it was coming, I did. (We actually already had the venue booked and I had already bought a dress... more on this later though.) Aaron still managed to surprise me, which I give him major kudos for. During this time last year, I was having a lot of heart issues with the fact that I was not engaged yet, even though I had told Aaron I wanted a short engagement (like 4-6 months). We had already talked about possibly getting married in the fall so why was I being so confusing? (In retrospect, I found out that originally Aaron was planning on proposing in March but I was being me: confusing... ha) It's easy to get caught up in all of the engagements and proposals you see scrolling through social media during the holidays and the new year. It is VERY easy. And if I could go back, I would tell myself to chill out. I mean, a lot of my peers did in fact tell me this, but human hearts are wayward and we want what we want. (So, seriously, if you're reading this and you're not engaged yet, it's okay. I promise.) One of the most helpful things someone told me was this: as a wife, you have to learn to trust your husband in his leadership at times and this was the first way I could do that, even though we were not married yet. This was Aaron's thing... planning the proposal. And I wasn't being fair in pressuring him. He had a plan and I didn't trust it.
But because Aaron is kind and good to me, he made it happen. I work weekends often and a few weeks prior, he had asked when I could ask for a Saturday off next. We didn't have Saturdays together often so when I told him, he said, 'Great. Save it for me. I have some things planned for us!' Of course, my suspicions then arose.
Here is the rest of the story from Aaron's point of view:
I was determined to make this proposal a surprise. After talking with some friends, I concluded that my goal was not necessarily to make the focus of the proposal to be its extravagance, but rather its memorability. Dorothy was expecting me to be asking soon; she had all her bases covered... so I had to be extra sneaky. I knew if she thought she could predict it, and I truly did surprise her, she wouldn't forget that day.
Our friend Megan had done some ninja conversation-work and helped me understand what Dorothy was expecting. She helped me come up with a spot and a plan: jogging. Yes... surprise her while she is jogging. The last thing I wanted was to have her wondering the whole day of our time together when I would ask. Getting it out of the way first, then spending the day together was much more optimal. I had her take Saturday off work, which I knew would tip her off to the idea that I would be asking that day. But, I also lied to her (whoops) and told her that I found out last minute I had to work Saturday morning. I was really sorry of course, but would be done in time to pick her up for brunch. 'Oh, that's fine! Carolyn asked if I could go jogging Saturday morning anyways.' Perfect. Now, of course she didn't know that it was I that had asked Carolyn to already have brought this idea up with her. All part of the master plan, and she fell for it way too easily.
That Saturday morning, I dressed up nicely (and warmly), grabbed a blanket, a letter I had written, the ring, and headed off to the location. I was tracking Carolyn from my phone and saw them approaching. A couple deep breaths later and then they were right in front of me. Dorothy saw me... but she didn't stop jogging. Instead, as she jogged past, she looked over her shoulder and yelled, 'What are you doing here??' I asked her to come back, chuckling inside because I knew her surprise was genuine. I was quite pleased with myself that I had accomplished this feat, but still nervous as I put my blanket around her and read aloud the words I had written. Of course I cried, but I wouldn't change a thing. She said yes and I put the ring I had made on her finger. We sat down to pray over the next part of our lives, and then headed off to spend the day together over brunch and a trip to Bainbridge. It really was a perfect day, and one we will surely remember.
Sneaky, sneaky Aaron. He did a good job, even though I was in my running clothes ha. I was really surprised as I approached him on the run. Here are some photos of the rest of the day we had together.
And here are some photos taken by the the ninja Yee Feng of the proposal:
THE RINGS
If you see Dorothy's hands on a normal day, you'll see many rings on her fingers. At a fancier event, you might even see a diamond ring.
I like explaining the reasons why, because I get the opportunity to talk about some things dear to my heart.
Both Dorothy and I try our best to have meaning in the things we do. We still fall short, but we try. Our wedding rings are part of that. Wedding rings are a thought in everyone who gets married, and we weren't an exception to that, but from the beginning, we saw things differently from most people.
our ring tattoos we got during our honeymoon
As soon as marriage was even a conversation for us, so was the permanence of it. Realizing that, tattoos made perfect sense, because they are permanent for all intents and purposes. Knowing that tattoos were the end goal, and still wanting something to propose with and to put on her finger on the wedding day, I decided to make her rings myself. One reason for this is that I enjoy working with my hands; I like making things on my own. I didn’t want to just buy something for her, I wanted to put time in putting it together and figuring out how to do that. Dorothy had mentioned to me that diamonds weren’t really her thing, and looking forward to our tattoos, I didn’t want to spend thousands of dollars on a rock anyways. Yes, I understand that most people see an expensive diamond as just that- the amount of sacrifice and time and work that is behind the question “Will you marry me?” But something in my heart has always rubbed against that idea, conflicting with the convictions I have from my faith. “Do not lay up for yourselves treasures on earth, where moth and rust destroy and where thieves break in and steal, but lay up for yourselves treasures in heaven, where neither moth nor rust destroys and where thieves do not break in and steal.” Matthew 6:19-20 My thinking was, why spend a large amount of money on something that ultimately is not eternal? Not to mention the fact that diamonds being the proper proposal item was created as a marketing gimmick in the early 1900s. Someone just very recently told me that the tradition of giving diamonds before marriage came from the Bible. It’s definitely not.
Dorothy likes gold, and she already wears a lot of simple gold stacking rings. She also likes black. I mean, the majority of her wardrobe is grayscale colors. So I decided on a simple gold ring with an onyx stone. 14k gold to be exact, because I like the color of gold that it is the best. I already had most of the tools I needed to make the ring because I had messed around a little bit in the past making jewelry. Then later, with Dorothy’s styling input, I made 2 other gold bands to surround the engagement ring. These were the bands I put on her finger on our wedding day.
As for Aaron's band, later on we purchased 14K gold from the same source and he showed me how to size his finger and how to make his ring. He helped the entire time and I actually made it too small, but he fixed it because he's a fixer... so I don't know if I can really say I made his ring entirely on my own but it was fun to be a part of the process.
There is a diamond ring now that Dorothy does wear sometimes.
Her mom had a diamond that she had always planned on giving Dorothy, and after seeing that I didn’t intend to give her a diamond, she made this known. Strangely enough, I never had heard about this before, and to be honest it bothered me a little bit at first. It made me feel like the rings I made for her weren’t good enough or something. After talking with Dorothy and trying to understand what her mom was thinking, I realized there were some cultural aspects to this that I needed to have grace and understanding towards. So her mom and I arranged a time to visit a jewelry shop together. She would bring the diamond, I would pick the setting, and the shop would set the stone and we would have a ring that I could give to her for the tea ceremony. It actually ended up being a wonderful time that meant a lot to both of us. Dorothy didn’t come with, so it really was a time of her mom and I bonding- relationally, but also in a real sense as we both had a part in making this ring happen. Dorothy may only wear the ring to special events, but we both like it for the meaning that is behind it, representing two cultures coming together in our marriage.
That pretty much sums it up, and the only other thought I have is that I would love to start making jewelry as a sidehustle someday. - A
Another thought post-engagement, wedding and what not... to be completely frank, there were a few weeks after I was engaged that I was self-conscious about my ring. In fact, I had a co-worker ask me one time, 'So why don't you have a ring if you're engaged?' when at the time, I was wearing the ring Aaron had made. What she had meant to ask was, 'Why don't you have a diamond ring?' Again, I found myself comparing and almost playing defense the moment people reacted in dismay to my ring. Here's the thing I have learned, the relationship I have with Aaron and he with me is ours and ours alone. It is so special to me that my husband made my ring. I've never been the bells and whistles, sparkles and glamour kind-of-girl and I think what he made me really reflects my style and what I want my life to reflect. And, we don't write this post to disregard how special others' rings are and their relationship at all. I mean, I do have a diamond ring after all. Hope you enjoyed reading, if you made it this far!
Here's part 1 in the Our Wedding Series.